Waiting for the Sun by Lindsey Iler

Author:Lindsey Iler [Iler, Lindsey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lindsey Iler
Published: 2019-10-31T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

Nick

How do I tell her something like this? There will be consequences to my words, and I’m not man enough right now to want to face them head on.

And then Hannah’s eyes soften with understanding. She might as well have stomped on my heart. It would have been less painful. My silence is hurting her, and to hurt her means I’ve done the one thing I told myself I wouldn’t do.

It’s too late, though. I’ve hurt her in ways I never imagined I could.

“I’ve always been pulled to you. Even in elementary school, I would cross my fingers and toes, hoping you’d be picked to be on my team in gym class. I showed up to your birthday party, not because I felt bad for you, but because it’s where I wanted to be, even if it was just you and me. Looking back, I was happy it was just the two of us.” I brush a tear from Hannah’s cheek. “We were each other’s constants. I’m not even sure when it happened, but there are enough memories up here and in here”— I point to my head and then my chest— “for me to put all the pieces together in the end. You were my person.”

“And then I became no one.” She turns away from me, forcing the knife deeper into my heart.

“You were never no one, Hannah. Jesus, quit diminishing yourself like that.”

“Isn’t that what you did, though?” When I reach out to her, she holds up her hands. “Let me get this clear, so I can understand. You sacrificed our friendship so that you could be with Mia, no strings attached. I was a liability. By default, I drew the short stick and lost you. Twice. At thirteen and at seventeen.” She holds up two fingers, pushing her point fully home. “Do you know what it’s like to lose someone like you? Because I can tell you, Nick, it’s excruciating. It’s like I’m watching my house burn down, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

I’m struck silent by her words and the immenseness of her emotions. Before I can form a reply of any kind, she’s walking towards the back lot where her car must be parked. I jump from the truck and catch her, wrapping my arm around her waist and tugging her back against my chest.

“I didn’t know . . .” Finish your thought. She needs to know everything.

Hannah spins in my arms and pushes off my chest. Her fists pound into me, using every ounce of strength she has to release her anger. I allow her, planting my feet on the sidewalk.

“I needed you, and you weren’t there, so many times. What was the point, Nick?”

And this is when I start to sound like the asshole I feel like I am. The title is deserving.

“That night at the pool party, I could tell you wanted to tell me something. I had been watching you all day. The way I felt for you was new.

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